I love free stuffs!!

I clicked on http://www.celebratevitamins.com/component/chronocontact/?chronoformname=sample and ordered a sample of vitamins last week.  Today, I got a small package with about a dozen different chewable tablets and a multi-vitamin drink mix.  They sent me every flavor of chewable that they make for the Sleeve specific nutrition.  I'm so excited.  I'm such a dork, but I love free stuffs!!

The Celebrate website has oodles of info about the vitamins and after-care post-WLS.  They offer vitamins, shakes, vitamin drink mixes, and even peanut flour... Prices seem really reasonable, too.  Think I'm gonna order their vitamin/protein shake mix and see whatsdoin.

Thanks to http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/ for the link.  Oh, and if you havenb't read her site, go now.  Info, support, and recipies aplenty! She's usually giving away freebies and things.  It's Eggface's 5 year anniversary, so go enter for a prize package.  But if you win, I expect you to share  =)

Adding insult to injury...

Well, nothing much to report.  We went up to the tattoo shop today to get some of my jewelery replaced since I keep losing the plastic retainers I had put in for surgery.  No big deal there until my piercer said he could probably taper my bridge piercing back in...  The anaesthesiologist made me take my bridge out right before surgery even though I had a plastic retainer in it, and hubby and I couldn't get the jewelry back in after surgery.

Sooo..  Taper.  Yeah, i hate tapers.  **deep breath**  Okay.  Do it.

Friggin' OUCH!  My bridge is back in, which I am eternally grateful for, but DAMN that hurt.

Now I have all my piercings back in except for the nipple rings.  I kinda miss those.  I do not miss those enough for my piercer to taper those back in.  Screw that....

Regrets, I've had a few...

But then again... I can't sing.

So, I'm 22 days out and still wondering WTF i did to myself.  I'm puking a lot, I'm awakened most mornings at 3am by choking on my own stomach acid, I'm tired, and I'm horribly brain hungry.  I haven't been actually hungry yet, but man, I could write a book about the stuff I WANT to eat right now.  I want a piece of toast.  I want chocolate. I want biscuits.  I want a huge bowl of cereal.  I want all kinds of things simply because I know i can't eat that right now...

I want to know why one sad lonely spoonful of ice cream makes me soooo sick.  If I'm lactose intolerant I'm gonna be angry.   Just sayin'...

But really, right now it seems as though I've jumped through months worth of hoops to be surgically inflicted with an eating disorder.  I forget to eat like, anorexics do, and when i eat more than 1/4 cup at a time (or if i eat the wrong thing) then i feed the baby birds...  **blllppph*  {{politically correct disclaimer:  i am not putting down/making fun of/lightening the experience of an eating disorder.  Just how I feel. No offense meant. Close cover before striking. Yer mileage may vary.}}

By the postings I've read at a few different boards, feeling "normal" doesn't come into the picture for about 6 months. Oh, fricking yay!!  I mean, i can't call a do-over.  I'm just gonna have to suck it up.  Some days it's difficult.  My hubby is inflicted with a crying, snotty, bitchy couch-lump that keeps saying "It's okay, I did this to myself!!" every time he says he's sorry I'm feeling bad.  That man needs a medal... or a Klondike bar...

Lucky for you, I lost my train of thought...  I'm going in the kitchen to stare at the oatmeal that hates me...

Have I told you I love my parents...?

No.  Yeah, there's a reason for that.  I haven't seen my folks since January.  They haven't seen the kids since Christmas or so...  I decided to be nice and drive downstate to see them. (Yes, downstate.  They live an hour away) I spoke with my mom all week about things that I can eat and things that I can't.  I went into full details about my current pureed only diet since surgery.  **sigh**  My wonderful mother had made corn, baked Idaho potatoes, she bought fresh soft Amish bakery rolls, and had my father grill london broil.  Yeah, good thing I brought my own pureed chicken.  Nothing she had was on my "eat" list.  To top everything off, I sat through the 3 pie dessert... Peanutbutter cream pie, oreo cream pie, and chocolate cream pie.  All the while, the woman looks at me and says "I'm sooo sorry you can't eat anything..."

I have not committed murder.  I am a better person.  We had a "nice" visit.  I'm thinking about moving across country just to have an excuse not to deal with that again...

Thank you, Mom, for proving it's not my fault that I turned out like this...

Strange Grumblings...or lack thereof...

Pre-surgery, i knew what hungry was.  I knew that if my stomach growled, i was to stuff food in my face.  I knew that if I had eaten something a few hours ago, I could probably eat something now.  I used to have conversations that went something like this:

Stomach:  "Ggggrrrrrrwwwwwooooollllllllrrrrrrrrr"
Me:  "Yeah, yeah. I know...."
Stomach:  "Rrrrrraaaaawwwwrrrrrrrrrrllllllll"
Me:  "Mmmm...That looks good."
**commence eating**

Surgery has since rendered my stomach mute.  I don't know if he left, of if he's just quiet now, or if the staples are keeping him captive.  Not a peep.  Maybe he's just mad at me and we're not on speaking terms right now...

Anyhow, every few hours now i get this weird empty feeling where my stomach used to be.  It's nothing like hunger.   It's not a gnawing sensation, it's not a rumbling, and it doesn't gurgle at me.  It's just a slight empty feeling.  Though, it's nothing like the emptiness in my soul (that's what my mom says i have).

So I now feed as per the schedule.  I get up, I eat.  I wait 30 minutes or so, then i drink something.  I wait 30 to 60 minutes, and I eat something again...  Sometimes I have to set a reminder on my phone or I'll forget to eat, then I'm confronted by the odd empty tummy...

"Full" is also different.  I take small baby-spoon sized bites and pause for chewing well.  After a few bites, I have a small burp escape.  That's it.  I'm done.  Should I chose to ignore this tiny burp, my stomach allows three or so additional bites before it unceremoniously reverses the direction of my food elevator.  I swear if I don't get the hang of this eating thing, I'm going to adopt baby birds.  There's no retching, no spasms, just "blech" elevator-up!  I will never be able to watch bird-related nature shows again.  Every time I get sick I swear i should hear a tiny "peep!peep!peep!" from somewhere... 

Protein is 'spensive!!!

Sooo... after shopping around, I found that most places have "sample packs" including Syntha-6, Nectar, Click, and a billion other protein companies, but most have crazy high shipping prices.  So, seeing as though i'm off of work and have nothing to do but track my intake and puke all day, i started writing emails directly to the manufacturers i found.  Most didn't answer me yet (7 days later).  The makers of Muscle Milk sent me a package containing a serving of Muscle Milk cookies & cream and a serving of Whey Isolate chocolate along with about $10 in coupons off of all of their products.  Score!!  The Syntrax people who make Nectar brand protein sent me a call in offer via email:

Hi,
We are currently offering a one time only, limit one per person special on the Nectar ‘Variety Sampler’ containing 13 full serving packets of the following flavors:  Apple Ecstasy, Caribbean Cooler, Crystal Sky, Fuzzy Navel, Lemon Tea, Pink Grapefruit, Roadside Lemonade, Strawberry Kiwi, Twisted Cherry, Chocolate Truffle, Strawberry Mousse, Vanilla Bean Torte and Latte Cappuccino.  The price is $13.00.  The Nectar Variety Sampler receives FREE SHIPPING and orders typically arrive in 2-5 business days via UPS Ground.  If you would like to take advantage of this offer, please give us a call at 866-333-7403 x 801.  Our hours are Monday - Friday, 8am - 5pm Central time.
Brent Redburn
SI03 Medical Sales

So, I just called and ordered.  Sounded good to me... $13 for 13 servings.  Maybe i just like the number 13.  If you haven't heard of Nectar, it's mostly fruity flavors that claim they taste so good, you can eat the powder out of the jar like pixy sticks...  I'll let ya know if thats true in 2-5 business days.

I think it's common from what i've seen on the forums... Most people find a protein powder they LOVE pre-op.  Post-op, yeah, not so much.  All the dairy based chocolate, vanilla, latte flavors won't stay down for me.  And the HealthWise drinks that my surgeon's office sells are vicious-horrible.  Blargh!!  Nasty protein aftertaste and they smell just plain bad.  Hopefully Nectar will be better  =)

OMG, Pancakes!!! Err... umm... Pancake!!

I went out to dinner last night.  15 days post surgery.  I was craving pancakes and got the okay from the doc at my follow-up appointment.  Apparently, pancakes are smooshy enough that they can be considered part of the pureed diet.  Whodathunkit?  Anywho, the hubby and i went out to the local IHOP without the kids.  That, in and of itself, was glorious.  We perused the menu together since i wasn't eating much.  Figured out that their scrambled eggs special sounded like something i was brave enough for.  Scrambled eggs with mushroom, onions, and cheese.  Sides of hash browns, 4 sausages, and 2 pancakes.  Pre-surgery, i would have inhaled that without thinking.  Last night, i sipped on my coffee... little tiny sips... until the food arrived.  I waited and had conversation with the hubby while my coffee processed through my sleeve.  I ate tiny bites of the eggs.  Frickin' delicious!!  I put my fork down between bites and made sure i talked a little to pace myself.  I moved some pancakeage over to another plate so i had one single pancake in front of me.  Carefully dissecting the pancake into tiny pieces, i cut up about a third of it, added a little bit of the butter pecan syrup (my favorite at IHOP... they seriously need to bottle it... or i need bigger pockets...) and carefully dove it.  OMFG!!  It was painful-good!!  I ate tiny pieces of pancakeygoodness for almost 15 minutes.  Chewing like mad, i kept hoping that IHOP would not be the first public place i puked in.  And it worked!!  Success!! Almost a third of a pancake!!  I got about 10g of protein in from the egg and cheese.  I know pancakes aren't really good for me at this point but it was sooooo good for my brain!! 

Looking over, i saw that hubby had demolished his big huge omelet, pancakes, hash browns, etc, and was looking a little uncomfy.  My plate looked like i hadn't touched it.  It made me chuckle... The waiter kept eyeballing me when he walked past.  After the 4th or 5th trip past, he stopped and asked if the food was okay, if i need anything fixed, if anything was wrong, if there was something he could do....  I had to explain that it was delicious, but i just had surgery and can only eat a little bit at a time.  He looks confused, but relieved that the food was okay, and offered to bring some boxes over.  I think i just publicly came out of the surgery closet!! LOL

So, dinner was a success.  The hubby was a little uncomfortable about eating in front of me still, but i told him it doesn't bother me.  I was full and happy.... AND i have enough leftover eggs for a few days!!  Yay, protein!

Now i just need to work on that evil little fatgirl voice in my head... The one that says, "That was good. Eat some more. One more bite."  It's wonderful that the sleeve has a louder voice that says, "Fullish now.  Puking is bad.  Don't make me do it! I will so make you puke in IHOP!!"  I am Clockwork Orange conditioned now, methinks.  Food is good.  More food = puking. Puking = bad....

2-week follow up appointment...pukes and giggles...

So, the last two weeks were hard.  My blog suffered because it HURT to sit in the desk chair.  And the most exciting thing EVER... when i drink a dairy-based shake, or try and eat more than one ounce of pudding or yogurt, I have the most extraordinary puking skills I've ever seen.  Nothing like the pre-surgery puking.  More like the down elevator decided to go UP instead.  I should be feeding baby birds.  Seriously.  I can predict it now.  2 oz of sugar-free pudding and i need to have a bucket next to me.  No warning.  No spasm.  Just a reverse swallow.  Yay!  I'm now Pukey Mc Vomit with dairy stuffs.  The doc says this might be temporary, or there's a chance i have developed lactose intolerance because of the surgery.  Here's hoping that it's temporary.  I likes me some dairy.  All fat girls do... right?!?!

Anyways, oddly enough, i discovered through the boards at gastricsleeve.com that (request a map if you get lost here) my hubby's co-worker's wife had her sleeve surgery done the same day by the same doc!  Whoot!  Instant surgery buddy!!  Haven't met her yet, but we're thinking of being the Dyamic Insecure-Fat-Girl-at-the-Gym Duo!  Always better with company.  Plus, we can mock the people that are there all alone since we obviously have more friends than they do!!  Ha!!

So, at two weeks out, i'm still on pureed foods.  Got to get my 80g of protein and 48 ounces of water in every day.  The water is tough.  more than 4 oz of fluids at a time is a no-go.  And most times, just 4 oz is enough to make me feel all sloshy inside... Like when you're soooo drunk you can't pee fast enough and it makes you feel like a 70's waterbed...  Yeah, like that... but without the hugging strangers part.

Ice pops rock.  The cheap plastic-sleeve kind.  The ones i can get at the dollar store (24 ice pops for a buck, baby!).  Yeah, i love those.  1.5 ounces of fluid each.  Stoopid, i know, but it heps to get the fluids in on badly sloshy days.  I haven't hurled up an ice pop yet!

I'm going to get an ice pop and research gym prices...  Ooooh, and in 30 minutes i can have more pureed chicken!!  (yay for sarcasm!)

Thursday's escape...

**Reader's Digest Version to catch up to present day**

Soooo...Thrsday came in with the news that a 3rd Radioactive Dishsoap test was not needed.  Water was kept down.  Walks were had.  I found out I'm allergic to codeine (WTF?!?) after i had to drink Tylenol 3 and my face blew up and got really red.  Yep.  I'm fine.  Nope. Really.  Can I go home?  No, I'm fine... Nothing's swollen.  It's just red. 

*whisper to the hubby* get me outta here before i start slurring from the swelling!!

And, freedom...

Two days after...

Wednesday was rather a blur.  I kept blowing out IV lines...  The first IV started leaking out of my wrist.  The IV nurse they sent up to my room couldn't find a vein for 10 minutes, then she hit a valve and bent the needle in my arm.  She then tapped out and sent for another IV nurse.  This one listened to me blathering on in pain (no IV meds for about 4 hours now) that my veins suck and they hide, and no one has ever successfully hit a vein in the crook of my elbow.  She ignores me.  "See, hit a vein first time."  Okie.  Maybe i was wrong.  (Like that happens  =P )  I was exhausted and decided just to nap.  When i woke up, the hubby was helping me out of bed and i ask him what was tied on my arm...  Looked down and saw that my entire upper arm has swelled up to thigh size!! (and my thighs aren't little here, peoples)  Yeah, she didn't hit a vein.  I had hours of IV meds going directly into the tissue of my arm...

**fast forward through several more IV attempts and quite a few bouts of pukings**

By the end of Wednesday, i still couldn't keep down any water or ice chips.  My stomach was still swollen shut.  Radioactive dish soap test #2 had the same results.  I was supposed to be out of the hospital Wednesday.  I was stuck.  Stuck and vomiting.  A lot. 

Thankfully, the nursing staff was excellent.  I kept apologizing to everyone when i was sick, or when i needed help.  I cried on one nurse after i vomited so hard i peed on the floor.  One of my most embarrassing moments ever.  She gently hugged me and said i was fine, not to worry.  I really wish i was with-it enough to remember everyone's name.  I'd love to thank them all personally.  The Christiana nursing staff was really on-point.

My IV was finally situated, i got my morphine back, and they added some steroids to the IV cocktail mix to try and get my stomach to behave..

I was guessing Wednesday was the low point and it HAD to get better...  Right??

Terrible Tuesday...

Monday (May 23rd) night was hard.  Sleeping in a weird place always is.  I was trying to keep my facebook updated through the night since i wasn't sleeping well, and i had to sleep sitting up since i was having a little trouble swallowing...

In the morning, i got up, used the restroom and went for a walk before my "swallow test" was scheduled.  I had a few ice chips to munch on, too.  Ice chips are soooo wonderful when you haven't had anything at all.  Went for another quick walk to try and clear up the tummy gurgle the ice chips produced.  Seems as thought i felt "sloshy" for lack of a better word.  Eeeew.  Thought you have to love the hospital escourt service.  Wheeled (very quickly, holycrapmonkies!) down to the testing lab.  In the testing lab, i explained that i couldn't really lay down on their table because i was having a little trouble swallowing since surgery, so they raised the tilt table for me.  I was xrayed and the table was brought to a full standing position.  The tech handed me a cup of what looked like clear dish soap.  She asked if i ever had a barium test before, and i said yes, years ago.  She said ," This is WAAAY worse.  Just swallow fast."  Oh good.  Now that I have that to look forward to... Thanks.  She was right, though.  Tasted pretty much as it looked.  The lab doc waited a few minutes and started up the xray again.  Turn this way.  Turn that way. Raise your arm.  Smile.  No, i was just kidding...  Yeah, hilarious.  The doc looks at the screen and points and says "That is your new stomach."  Wow.  Spiffy.  Well, how come that radioactive dish soap isn't going in there?  It just looks like a big glowing orb on top on my stomach.  "Looks like it's resting in your esophagus.  Take another big gulp, please."  Crap.  Eeeew. Gross.  Okay.  **gulp**  Ouch.  Umm, this is uncomfortable now.  He says to swallow hard a few times.  Yeah, something is stuck, put more pressure on it.  OUCH.  The lab doc looks pensive and says to turn this way.  Now swallow again.  OUCHFRIGGINOUCH!!!  Yep.  I had a nightlight stuck in my espohagus.  My stomach had completely swollen shut.  Thus the sloshy all night.  Nothing was getting into my stomach.  Spit, ice chips, everything i swallowed just sat there.  If i moved wrong, it just came back up my espohagus.  Apparently, this radioactive dish soap is bad for your lungs, so i was ordered not to lay down until i could clear this test.  We would try again Wednesday.  Oh, goody.  So my Tuesday was spent sitting up or walking.  No more ice chips, no water.  At least i wasn't strong enough to try and kill someone...I love you too, morphine button  =)

Overdue surgey info...DoomsDay!

Sorry for the wait, but it's been such a roller coaster since surgery.  Basically, to sum up my surgery experience, this sucked.  I had to check in at the hospital at 7am, waited a little bit before i was taken back to prep and holding.  While gowned, scrubbed, and stuck in a bed, I found out that the last set of lab tests did not get sent to the hospital properly.  The nurse said we might have to postpone this...  Nurses scrambling, phone calls being made, basically amounts to the lab didn't follow instructions.  No pregnancy test was done.  Apparently, you have to verify you are not pregnant before they will perform surgery.  Okay, that makes sense.  If you said something about 40 minutes ago I could have told you I had a tubal ligation more than 10 years ago...  Yeah, next.  After this, the anesthesia nurse says "These piercings HAVE to come out."  No.  They don't.  The surgeon said they're okay.  Really.  Okay, go ask him.  So i got to keep my dermal implants, but i lost my bridge piercing (that will interfere with your mask) and my nipple piercings (WTF? You're not supposed to worry about my boobs in this?!?!).  It was surgery or piercings.  I had to pick.  Dammit.  Surgery was the easy part.  I was wheeled into the surgery suite, wrapped in a blanket and that was ll i remember.

After surgery was kinda cloudy.  I sort of remember being wheeled into my room.  I was in a private suite across from the nurses' station. 7th floor east, room 17.  The room was spacious with a huge window overlooking the daycare center.  I slept a lot.  I was hooked up to an IV in my right wrist with a lovely little call button for morphine.  Within 4 hours of surgery i was up and to the restroom, then for a short walk in the hall.  Everything went fine the first day.  I was thirsty, but i knew that had to wait.  Lip balm was the best invention ever that first day.  The horrors did not begin until Tuesday...