Anyone want this damn tiara?!?

I'm tired of being the Complication Queen.

Monday's EGD went well.  My stomach was almost completely strictured shut and once again, the doc managed to dilate it back open.  He left the dilation balloon inflated fully for two minutes to force my stoma to stay open.

 I was feeling pretty good Monday and Tuesday morning.  Last night's 7pm dinner was the carefully dissected innards of a beef pot pie.  Then the little burping solids started... Okay, maybe I ate too fast.  Don't panic.  I'll be fine. 

I was up until around 11pm finishing up the chores and watching TV. I drank some water, and had a popsicle about 30 minutes before bed. I slept fine. No heartburn or reflux woke me up.

This morning, after I got moving around a bit and had some tasty protein-added cream of wheat, part of my dinner came up and said hello. Definitely was beef stew-ish.  Was not cream of wheat-ish.  Selective vomiting?

Umm... 12 hours later?!?! What the... *confused*

Hey Rocky, watch me pull beef stew out of my hat...!

...I think I'm gonna call the doc again today...

You can never have too many....

EGD's.  Yeah.  I've had three already.  Tomorrow is my 4th.  Enough already.  My new walnut-sized pouch has decided to throw things back at me like my sleeve did.  I'm still keeping down some liquids, and if I eat and sit really still, I'm okay... Otherwise, I'm again feeding the imaginary baby birds...

Needless to say, my doc said on Friday that I might be developing a stricture again...  EGD scheduled for Monday with a possible balloon dilation.  I dread the possibility of getting admitted into the hospital again. What recourse do i have if this dilation doesn't work?!?  PICC line was mentioned, so was PEG line.  DO NOT WANT.

I'm terrified.  I am sooo entirely afraid that the forced bypass is going to go all wrong like my sleeve did.  I pride myself on a good false front.  I'm the strong one.  Nope, It's okay.  I'm fine.  That's really hard for me right now.  I need someone to tell me it's gonna be okay.  The hubby is a great support, but he's worried.  That makes me worried.  As usual, I will try and suck it up and act like I'm not worried... and try not to cry infront of strangers...

I definitley need to set an alarm...

Oh, how i dread shopping... This morning, I was feeling tired and couldn't get myself moving.  We were supposed to do complete school supply shopping, the oldest monster and I...  So I threw on some clothes, grabbed a diet iced tea and left the house, determined to get this over with.  After an hour of crowded Staples elbowing, we escaped to the printer ink section.  Yay, no crowd!!

Wow. It's hot in here.

The boy says, "Mom, yer lookin' a little shaky. Are you ok?!"

Then it really hit me.  I was sweating like I ran a marathon.  Dizzy, nauseous, unsteady, pukey...any of these would have been fitting monikers at the time.  Had I looked at the floor closely, i probably could have seen my blood sugar down there... Hypoglycemia, GO!

Yeah, i need to set an alarm to remind me to eat.  I don't get hungry anymore and sometimes... well, I'm an arse and I just forget.  That was my wake up call.  That sucked.

...but I still rather hate eating.  I'm never hungry.  I always feel like i should be eating more, but I can't bring myself to do it.  Food isn't comforting anymore.  It's scary.  I don't know what's going to stay down, or what's going to hurt.  My stomach (phhht... if you can call it that anymore) is unpredictable and mean to me.

Who would have thought that something the size of a walnut could royally screw up my life?!?!

Okay, I'm done whining for now...  *sniffle*  I'm such a big baby sometimes...

Today is my one month "surgiversary" since I got this whole modified RnY crapola.  Happy anniversary to me.

Oh? A new jacket?!? Why do the sleeves tie in the back??

I have a recurring dream that my weight permanently stalls at the 1 month post-op point. I keep eating like I'm supposed to, I watch my protein intake, but I am forever stuck as I am now. Paranoia is setting in. I'm starting to believe it. I asked on one of the forums if anyone else experiencing this particular flavor of crazy.  They all answered that "stalls happen" and "just keep your protein intake up"....

Um... Hello?!?!  Did you even read what i posted?  WTF?!?  This is why i lurk.

**bangs head on desk**

Happy Birthday, Monster!!

My oldest turned 17 today. (why yes, I AM old, thank you.)  He wanted to go to IHOP for lunch.  I was a good kid.  I ordered a big steak omelet and coffee.  I sipped my coffee with splenda for a bit until my omelet came out, slid my pancakes out of the way alllll the way to the side.  I let my food cool while my coffee settled, then I picked about 2 oz of steak and cheese out of my omelet.  Now the hubby has a massive omelet and 3 pancakes for leftovers.

The kids ate like... well... teenagers.  They had lunch, refills on beverages, and dessert.  The birthday boy did ask for a box and brought home his free birthday chocolate pancake.  It's loud.  It's talking to me from the fridge.  It has chocolate chips in it.  I am not going in the kitchen for the rest of the night for fear of the birthday pancake.  It's evil.  In a bad way.

Nutritionist/NP Follow-Up...

My regular nutritionist wasn't in, so a new one got stuck with me.  No one seemed to get the update that I was not 3 months out from a sleeve, I am 3 weeks out for a RnY now.  Same story explanation sixteen times to several different people.  Nutritionist says i need more protein.  Solid goal of 80g a day.  **sigh**  I'm trying.  I know.  Also, I need more carbs.  What??  Carbs make me dump.  Carbs are bad.  You want me to eat crackers?!?!  I'm 3 weeks out, ya know...  Okay. Whatever. Crackers.  I miss my other nutritionist.

Nurse Practitioner was actually the bariatric coordinator from the hospital.  She remembers me from the seminar in february.  She visited me both times in the hospital.  Finally someone who knew what was going on.  My labs came back and everything was well within healthy range.  I'm doing well with my blood pressure, and my incisions are healing well.

I told her that my clothes are fitting differently, but i still don't LOOK different to me.  Apparently, that's normal, too.  It takes a while for the brain to catch up.

Best quote of the day, "Did you notice that the tattoo on your neck is moving to curve around your jaw now? Watch your tattoos move as you lose weight."  Bwaaahahahahaha.

R.I.P. Tasty Foods

Oh, tasty foods, how I shall miss thee...

I'm in food mourning right now.  I miss stuff other people eat without thinking about it.  I want things I know I cannot eat.  I'm pissy and angry and whiney.  So there.

Egads... WTF?

My surgeon finally gets my Rx company to approve the Prevacid SoluTabs since i can't take pills or swallow the contents of a capsule...  Now the generics have been recalled.  The brand name, through my insurance, will cost me $85 per month.  For one Rx.

Arrrggggghhh!!!  I guess I'll learn to live with the acid reflux...  Do these people not realize I have to take this stupid med for the rest of my life?!?!

**bangs head on desk**

2 Week Follow-Up...

My appointment at the surgeon's office today was....weird.  Par for the course, huh?  Still having pain when i try and lay down, or when i cough or sneeze or yawn.  Apparently, my CT scan came back pretty clean.  My diaphragm is swollen and bruised, thus the pain, and I even got PCOS cysts that showed up.  Nice to know that's still with me  **rolls eyes**....

My surgeon is awesome.  He wrote out more Rx's for pain meds and a series of steroids to get the swelling down.  He also fought the insurance company so they would cover my Rx for chewable acid reducers.  Yay!  I did get a talking to about not taking my pain meds enough and trying to do too much too soon.  Apparently he thinks I'm trying to be SuperWoman... **shrugs**

I told him the pain was getting better, but it still made me have Torette's Syndrome when I sneeze.  Through no choice of my own, now when I sneeze I also throw out a curse word.  Yeah, it hurts that much

Soooo.... more meds and less activity for me.  No return to work date yet, which is good since I haven't even been approved for disability since 6/26 when the complications started.  I miss getting paid.  The bills are becoming a bit stressful.  MetLife is supposed to make their grand decision today...  **fingers crossed**

Venturing out...

So, the hubby and I are going to a local show tonight.  Ska/Oi/Punk/Hardcore.  One of his friends is playing, and we havent seen his band in nearly 2 years.  This will be my first show wth no alcohol.  Usually, the hubby and I take turns being the designated drinker for the evening.  Even when I'm not drinking, I still have a drink or two (I just make sure I take it slow and don't power-drink).

I don't know if i can be sober AND social.  I think these are two co-dependant things.  Egads, what am I doing?!?!

Today sucks, this sucks, I suck...

Yep, it's one of those days.  I've been getting progressively crankier these last few days.  I feel awful.  Besides the physical pain, I keep having dreams that I'm never going to lose any weight, but I'm stuck eating about a 1/4 cup of food at a time for the rest of my life.  Today, I feel like one of those 800 lb people you see being extracted from their house with a forklift.  I know I'm not 800 lbs.  It still feels like that to me today.  I feel like the pain will never subside.  It hasn't gotten better in 2 weeks. 

What have I done to myself?

It's the little things...that make me a whiney baby...

Well, got some blood work drawn today for my appointment with the dietitian next week.  The tech that was checking me in noticed that my paperwork said something about "nutrition levels post gastric surgery," so she decided to start firing questions at me.  I should have just pretended to be foreign...

"Oh! Did you have that stomach thing done!?! Is it hard? How much you eat now? Issit worth it?  How much weight you lose? Your doctor good? How long it all take? ..."  **ignoring grammar mistakes as much as possible**

I kind of felt bad after I started to explain that I didn't WANT a bypass, that I had a sleeve with massive complications and now, after my 2nd surgery and the bypass revision, it hurts me just to breathe.  Her face just fell.  I actually apologized and said I'm just not the best person to ask about it.

The blood work was done and my day progressed to it's usual, pain-filled boredom.  I haven't been to work since the end of June.  I went back to work after my sleeve surgery on June 19th.  I worked until June 25th.  That whole week I was sick.  I work with federal paperwork, so my co-workers and higher-ups were dismayed that i was vomiting while i worked.  Every time I took a sip or two of water I had to lean over my little wastebasket and hurl it back up.  I could have been fire for vomiting on the papers.  I was careful, but uncomfortable.  So on the 26th of June, i called out.  It went downhill from there.

Now, I'm battling the disability company for my job.  They don't seem to have enough information to verify that I should not be puking at work.  They need more paperwork about why i was absent from work from June 26th until July 11th when i was admitted to the hospital.  I had to fight with my insurance company about why i had to stay in the hospital from July 11th until July 24th.  Like I wanted to...

My pain level hasn't changed.  Just taking a breath in makes my gut feel like a knife is ripping from one side to the other.  Liquid Rx works to dull the pain, but also is a narcotic, so I can't take it during the day if I have to drive or otherwise function.

On top of that, I just discovered that my new stomach does not like sugar free chocolate jello pudding. Oh, for Pete's sake!!  I think I'm going to bed before something else makes me cry.