My next surgeon's appointment is two days away. I seriously don't know if I can do this anymore. I know, I don't have much choice, but I feel like a whiny baby sissylala. To use a much overused cliche, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I'm taking my Reglan like I'm supposed to. My gastroparesis is still present and accounted for. I do keep more food and fluids down that I have in the recent past, but I'm bringing up about 50% of my intake (as opposed to about 70% in the past). I've gotten so tired of trying to replace what I've lost that I've instituted a "Three Strikes" rule with my puking... I'll choke it back down twice. If it comes up a third time, then I'll spit it out. Most things seem to stay down the second or third time I swallow them. It saves me time and energy. It sounds horrible, but if you figure I don't really have stomach acid to contend with, and things come back up relatively soon after I eat or drink, it's not as bad as it sounds. I'm keeping track of my food and fluid intake, but I still can't get my calories up as far as I'd like to. I'm having a really difficult time with textures, and right now, protein shakes are not my friend. On a positive note, I can eat more solidish foods now as long as I remember to take my enzyme tablets. I keep a bag of beef jerky around, that seems to be my best bet for a high protein snack on a good day. I'm still living mainly on a soft diet, but every now and then I need to attempt something solid... My "stomach" seems to top off at about 1/4 cup of food or fluid at a time, so I feel like I'm constantly needing to eat to keep myself fueled. I'm not getting enough calories, so I'm exhausted most of the time. I just keep pushing through. What else can I do?
On the other end of things, I did break down and get some Miralax. The first dose worked a little bit. It wasn't too bad mixed in with some Crystal Light. Miralax just has a faint "Elmer's glue" smell to it, but doesn't seem to taste like much. I took a dose every day for a week. The first dose worked overnight. A little. Then nothing. I've just been overly gassy. Miralax just makes me fart. Oh, great. After a week of Miralax, my abdomen was soooo uncomfortable. I completely felt like I was full. Like my eyes were going to turn brown. THAT kind of full. My hubby threatened that if i didn't have a BM soon he was gonna make me go to the emergency room since I was in pain. That was the point where I gave up my last shred of dignity and went to the store for that evil green Fleet box. I figured that's what the hospital would do to me anyways... So, without too much TMI, that finally got things going. Man, do I feel soooo much better now. I am going to talk to the doc about it and see what I can do to prevent that from happening again. I know that my pain meds are supposed to constipate, and the high protein diet can do the same. So yeah, let's not get stuck in that situation again.
So, I'm full of sad, full of bitchiness, and full of tired, but at least I'm officially no longer full of shit.... *rimshot* ...thank you, I'm here all night. Enjoy the veal.
I'm still fighting with Social Security. They don't think I'm disabled enough. Apparently puking all the time doesn't count. I'm still on disability from work. I miss working. I miss being a productive member of society. Being stuck at home makes me sad some days. I just feel useless. I want this to be over. *sigh*
Anyways, I'll post an update with what the surgeon says later this week. Hopefully, I'll have some kind of good news. It's about time for some good news... Something. Anything.
I'm taking my Reglan like I'm supposed to. My gastroparesis is still present and accounted for. I do keep more food and fluids down that I have in the recent past, but I'm bringing up about 50% of my intake (as opposed to about 70% in the past). I've gotten so tired of trying to replace what I've lost that I've instituted a "Three Strikes" rule with my puking... I'll choke it back down twice. If it comes up a third time, then I'll spit it out. Most things seem to stay down the second or third time I swallow them. It saves me time and energy. It sounds horrible, but if you figure I don't really have stomach acid to contend with, and things come back up relatively soon after I eat or drink, it's not as bad as it sounds. I'm keeping track of my food and fluid intake, but I still can't get my calories up as far as I'd like to. I'm having a really difficult time with textures, and right now, protein shakes are not my friend. On a positive note, I can eat more solidish foods now as long as I remember to take my enzyme tablets. I keep a bag of beef jerky around, that seems to be my best bet for a high protein snack on a good day. I'm still living mainly on a soft diet, but every now and then I need to attempt something solid... My "stomach" seems to top off at about 1/4 cup of food or fluid at a time, so I feel like I'm constantly needing to eat to keep myself fueled. I'm not getting enough calories, so I'm exhausted most of the time. I just keep pushing through. What else can I do?
On the other end of things, I did break down and get some Miralax. The first dose worked a little bit. It wasn't too bad mixed in with some Crystal Light. Miralax just has a faint "Elmer's glue" smell to it, but doesn't seem to taste like much. I took a dose every day for a week. The first dose worked overnight. A little. Then nothing. I've just been overly gassy. Miralax just makes me fart. Oh, great. After a week of Miralax, my abdomen was soooo uncomfortable. I completely felt like I was full. Like my eyes were going to turn brown. THAT kind of full. My hubby threatened that if i didn't have a BM soon he was gonna make me go to the emergency room since I was in pain. That was the point where I gave up my last shred of dignity and went to the store for that evil green Fleet box. I figured that's what the hospital would do to me anyways... So, without too much TMI, that finally got things going. Man, do I feel soooo much better now. I am going to talk to the doc about it and see what I can do to prevent that from happening again. I know that my pain meds are supposed to constipate, and the high protein diet can do the same. So yeah, let's not get stuck in that situation again.
So, I'm full of sad, full of bitchiness, and full of tired, but at least I'm officially no longer full of shit.... *rimshot* ...thank you, I'm here all night. Enjoy the veal.
I'm still fighting with Social Security. They don't think I'm disabled enough. Apparently puking all the time doesn't count. I'm still on disability from work. I miss working. I miss being a productive member of society. Being stuck at home makes me sad some days. I just feel useless. I want this to be over. *sigh*
Anyways, I'll post an update with what the surgeon says later this week. Hopefully, I'll have some kind of good news. It's about time for some good news... Something. Anything.
I'm sure it doesn't seem like it, but you really do have a positive attitude about it all. With everything you've gone through, it would be easy to throw in the towel and I love that you are still fighting - I just wish there was more that could be done. It breaks my heart that you're in so much pain for trying to help yourself get healthy. It will get better... it has to get better.
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