Yay! Even more TMI...

So, after my first encounter with the evil Fleet bottle and a brief few days of feeling better, the feeling better stopped.  After another week of no BMs, I had to resort to the same measures.  This time, it didn't help as much.  I still had the "brick in my gut" feeling afterwards.  After talking to the doc I realized that I had another intestinal impaction.  He said that if the impaction was in the beginning of my intestines, that the Fleet might not travel that far to relieve it.  He suggested I try some Magnesium Citrate.  Soooo, off to the pharmacy...  If you've never had the pleasure of trying it, Magnesium citrate is a 10oz beverage that is usually available in either lemon or cherry flavors.  My pharmacy only had lemon, so that's what I got.  I put it in the fridge while I tried to figure out exactly how my 2 oz "stomach" was going to ingest 10 oz of this med.  The bottle recommends drinking the entire bottle for patients over 12.  Well, since my stomach is tiny, maybe I can just drink half of a bottle...

Tuesdays morning I got brave.  I took the bottle out of the fridge, steeled my resolve, and started sipping.  It wasn't as bad as I thought.  It just tastes like very salty lemonade.  Not delicious, but tolerable.  After about 2 oz, I started feeling very full and a little queasy.  I put the bottle down and headed for the bathroom, figuring if I was going to heave, I might as well not have to clean it up... then the gut started gurgling... then the pain started.  Imagine if you will, a cinderblock moving slowly through your intestines.  Yeah, that's what it felt like.

Without grossing you out too much, I was in and out of the bathroom every 30 minutes for the next seven hours.  Then it was once an hour.  Then it was a few times over night.  Then it woke me up this morning.

Needless to say, the problem is now fixed!  Whoohooo!  I feel like I ran a marathon yesterday, but my gut feels soooo much better.  I'm exhausted.  I'm spending today relaxing on the couch.

I'm watching a talk show about Pro-Ana lifestyles.  I kind of relate.  I don't understand how 70 lb girls think they're fat.  I was over 430 lbs at my heaviest, so I guess I'll never really relate, but I understand not liking food anymore.  Food has been mean to me.  Puking sucks.  But man, if I could eat one, I'd love to have a sandwich.  When this whole mess started I had dreams of being thinner.  I never wanted to be "skinny."  I just wanted to be thinner.  My goal weight is still over the doctor's recommended guidelines.  I think 150 would be nice.  The guidelines say I'm supposed to be closer to 130 to be at a healthy weight for my height.  I'm still fat, and I'm weirded out by the fact that I can feel my ribs and my collarbones.  Never in my adult life have I been able to actually feel my bone structure.  It's weird.  I can't imagine being 70 lbs.  I just want to feed these people sandwiches.  Sandwiches are delicious.  I can't eat a sandwich, dammit, but they can.  I often think that I'm stuck in the middle of a medically supervised eating disorder.  I hate eating and I puke a lot.  None of this is really of my own choosing.  I see a lot of posts on the surgery support boards that sound like people are choosing and ED mindset... quite a few people have posted that they eat food they're not supposed to and then just induce vomiting to "get rid of it."  This pisses me off to no end.  I have to fight to keep my food down.  I have to struggle to get my calories up every day.  I want to find a way to slap people through the computer...  If you're doing this, stop.  If you can't stop, get help.

I'm going to eat half a popsicle now... Someday I hope to be able to eat a whole one... and I'm definitely going to try and not puke...  Mmmmmm.... popsicle....