If I have to read one more post, email, or accusatory private message with the phrase "easy way" things are gonna get ugly. I'm not generally a violent person, I am in fact an angry person. I do not mind simple questions. I don't mind when people ask my opinion. I do mind when people decide that I'm lazy and "took the easy way out by having surgery."
At the risk of offending any readers, the only answers I have for this accusation are both two word solutions: Throat punch or "Fuck you."
I understand that some people are always healthy, have been raised healthy, and are perfectly fit. I understand that some people decide to be Born-Again-Fit. I also understand that some people are lazy and unfit and do, indeed, look for that quick fix. We're all different, we all have different struggles, blah blah blah.
I decided I was tired of being fat. I was in Weight Watchers for years, I followed medically supervised diets with an endocrinologist, I did all the fad diets starting at about age 10. My mom decided that one summer I would eat nothing but canned tuna. She decided that one year, before every meal, I'd have to eat this "candy chew" that tripled in size in your stomach so you couldn't eat as much. She fed me grapefruit and Sweet N' Low, yogurt, and salads. We made KoolAid with NutriSweet and chewed gum instead of eating. We followed diet plans out of magazines and the backs of tabloids. We fasted and walked. Everything that my mom could grasp to for hope of having a thinner child, that's what we did. Did any of it work? No, of course not. That's why we had to keep trying.
Most people who are overweight, or the new medical catchphrase "obese," have been through their own gamut of these challenges. I finally decided I was tired of chasing my tail. My insurance was offering to cover gastric surgery (well, 90% of it), so I finally looked into it. As an added bonus, the docs found stomach polyps during the pre-surg testing, so I could lean on that as a reason and excuse. There's a certain shame that the general population hands to gastric patients. Like "You want surgery to be thin, how dare you!" So I convinced myself that I was having the stomach polyps removed and as an added bonus, I'd have a gastric sleeve! There are still some people in my life that don't know I chose to have gastric surgery. Some people that I know would not be supportive. I don't need that. Especially now.
Society tells us that gastric surgery is the easy way out. That the patients of bariatric surgeons are lazy and unwilling to work for their fitness goal. Society shames us into a hiding of sorts. Gastric surgery is usually not the result of a need to be "prettier" or a superficial want for attention. It's the last resort to get rid of things like diabetes, sleep apnea, high blood pressure, and the overall trapped feeling of being obese. I didn't want to be 100 lbs. I wanted to be healthy. I wanted to be able to keep up with the kids. I wanted to make sure I could attend graduations and grow old with my husband. I knew that being over 400 lbs would, in all literal matters, eventually kill me.
After bariatric surgery, the patient has to be more dedicated than pre-surg. Especially after so many complications. I have very little leeway now. I have very few choices I can make. I can't have just one more cookie. Hell, most days I can't have ONE cookie... I can't take one more sip, I can't have one more drink at the bar. If I make the wrong choice, I will be sick for hours, or I may be dead. Since I have no stomach tissue (well, I have a 1 cm band at the end of my esophagus), I can not have alcohol. I no longer produce the enzyme needed to break down alcohol, so I would have one drink and may just poison my liver enough to kill me. I can no longer make bad choices. I have no choice now. I've been Clockwork Orange'd. I must do what I'm supposed to, or I get horribly sick.
Even patients that have no complication still did not take the easy way. Major surgery is rarely easy.
There are post-surg patients that are not ready for the level of commitment. I see posts on the boards about people slipping into bulemia (oh, I ate something I shouldn't have so I just made myself throw up), about people not ready for the dedication (I'm 2 months out from my sleeve and all I eat is cookies), and people just not taking advantage of the tool they've gotten. This irritates me to no end. I want to smack people. Dammit, you still have a choice. I DON'T HAVE THAT ANYMORE!! I get jealous. I just want to shake people. It's the patients that were truly not ready that give us all a bad rep.
I get messages often about taking the easy way out, sometimes I answer them. Sometimes, I educate them. Sometimes, I cuss at them. Most times, I just send them a link to my blog and say "If you really think I have it easy, email me when you're done reading." I rarely get a reply. Makes me wonder if my blog made them at least stop and think...
I'm glad you're losing weight the natural way. I'm glad you have that ability. I'm glad you're 120 lbs and have flat abs. I'm just trying not to starve to death. I'm trying to have enough calories every day so that I can get off of the couch. I'm trying to wait for the dizziness to stop so I can go make my family dinner (that I cannot eat). I'm trying to stay hydrated, and get enough protein in so that my hair will stop falling out and my fingernails will stop breaking. Somedays, I'm just trying to think positive so I can keep going...
If you still think this is easy, you really have no idea... If I had the strength, I'd punch you in the throat.
At the risk of offending any readers, the only answers I have for this accusation are both two word solutions: Throat punch or "Fuck you."
I understand that some people are always healthy, have been raised healthy, and are perfectly fit. I understand that some people decide to be Born-Again-Fit. I also understand that some people are lazy and unfit and do, indeed, look for that quick fix. We're all different, we all have different struggles, blah blah blah.
I decided I was tired of being fat. I was in Weight Watchers for years, I followed medically supervised diets with an endocrinologist, I did all the fad diets starting at about age 10. My mom decided that one summer I would eat nothing but canned tuna. She decided that one year, before every meal, I'd have to eat this "candy chew" that tripled in size in your stomach so you couldn't eat as much. She fed me grapefruit and Sweet N' Low, yogurt, and salads. We made KoolAid with NutriSweet and chewed gum instead of eating. We followed diet plans out of magazines and the backs of tabloids. We fasted and walked. Everything that my mom could grasp to for hope of having a thinner child, that's what we did. Did any of it work? No, of course not. That's why we had to keep trying.
Most people who are overweight, or the new medical catchphrase "obese," have been through their own gamut of these challenges. I finally decided I was tired of chasing my tail. My insurance was offering to cover gastric surgery (well, 90% of it), so I finally looked into it. As an added bonus, the docs found stomach polyps during the pre-surg testing, so I could lean on that as a reason and excuse. There's a certain shame that the general population hands to gastric patients. Like "You want surgery to be thin, how dare you!" So I convinced myself that I was having the stomach polyps removed and as an added bonus, I'd have a gastric sleeve! There are still some people in my life that don't know I chose to have gastric surgery. Some people that I know would not be supportive. I don't need that. Especially now.
Society tells us that gastric surgery is the easy way out. That the patients of bariatric surgeons are lazy and unwilling to work for their fitness goal. Society shames us into a hiding of sorts. Gastric surgery is usually not the result of a need to be "prettier" or a superficial want for attention. It's the last resort to get rid of things like diabetes, sleep apnea, high blood pressure, and the overall trapped feeling of being obese. I didn't want to be 100 lbs. I wanted to be healthy. I wanted to be able to keep up with the kids. I wanted to make sure I could attend graduations and grow old with my husband. I knew that being over 400 lbs would, in all literal matters, eventually kill me.
After bariatric surgery, the patient has to be more dedicated than pre-surg. Especially after so many complications. I have very little leeway now. I have very few choices I can make. I can't have just one more cookie. Hell, most days I can't have ONE cookie... I can't take one more sip, I can't have one more drink at the bar. If I make the wrong choice, I will be sick for hours, or I may be dead. Since I have no stomach tissue (well, I have a 1 cm band at the end of my esophagus), I can not have alcohol. I no longer produce the enzyme needed to break down alcohol, so I would have one drink and may just poison my liver enough to kill me. I can no longer make bad choices. I have no choice now. I've been Clockwork Orange'd. I must do what I'm supposed to, or I get horribly sick.
Even patients that have no complication still did not take the easy way. Major surgery is rarely easy.
There are post-surg patients that are not ready for the level of commitment. I see posts on the boards about people slipping into bulemia (oh, I ate something I shouldn't have so I just made myself throw up), about people not ready for the dedication (I'm 2 months out from my sleeve and all I eat is cookies), and people just not taking advantage of the tool they've gotten. This irritates me to no end. I want to smack people. Dammit, you still have a choice. I DON'T HAVE THAT ANYMORE!! I get jealous. I just want to shake people. It's the patients that were truly not ready that give us all a bad rep.
I get messages often about taking the easy way out, sometimes I answer them. Sometimes, I educate them. Sometimes, I cuss at them. Most times, I just send them a link to my blog and say "If you really think I have it easy, email me when you're done reading." I rarely get a reply. Makes me wonder if my blog made them at least stop and think...
I'm glad you're losing weight the natural way. I'm glad you have that ability. I'm glad you're 120 lbs and have flat abs. I'm just trying not to starve to death. I'm trying to have enough calories every day so that I can get off of the couch. I'm trying to wait for the dizziness to stop so I can go make my family dinner (that I cannot eat). I'm trying to stay hydrated, and get enough protein in so that my hair will stop falling out and my fingernails will stop breaking. Somedays, I'm just trying to think positive so I can keep going...
If you still think this is easy, you really have no idea... If I had the strength, I'd punch you in the throat.
I am SO GLAD that you posted this. You answered questions that I had that I didn't want to overwhelm you with (LOL). I find in society, people don't want you to judge but they don't want you to ask the questions to get the info not to judge. Well, shit... o.O
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you detailed what you went through both before and after the surgery and I agree - it's the patients that give you the bad wrap. I've personally known a person who had GBS and then ate enough to stretch that stomach back out and wanted to get the surgery again. One of my best friends got the lapband but has never had it "filled" so he's just got this thing, in his stomach, with the port - hanging out... for no reason. He still eats breads, he still drinks sodas, he's still large. It's frustrating.
I'll admit, I've thought about having the surgery and "taking the easy way out." (she says as she covers her throat) When I learned more about just the restrictions that you have to put on your eating, I thought - well, hell, that's totally not the easy way. When I found your blog I've borderline become an activist against it (without it being the final straw).
I want you to know something... You are an amazing woman. You've been through hell and you continue, EVERY... SINGLE... DAY... to come back from it. You continue to have a sense of humor and you continue to cheer people on who, I'm sure on the tough days, you just want to drop kick because of their whining. Seeing your picture on MFP makes me smile every day... you're so cute!!
Ok - you thought YOU were rambling. I wish you were closer - there's something about you that makes me want to know more. (Don't freak out - I'm married so it's ok that I'm sounding kind of stalker-ish). :)
You know for all you have been through I am positive you have a pass for throat slapping ignorant people. If you don't I will email you one.
ReplyDeleteI really don't (excuse the expression) give a rats ass on a dim lited highway what easy way people think I have taken (msstori on grasticsleeve.com)
If someone hasn't walked in my shoes they aren't allowed to judge the shit on the bottom. Its stinky slimey and gross but its mine and like most shit on the bottom of people's shoes I picked it up from someone else's yard (cause of my food/comfort addiction -someone else's shit taken out on me as a child)
Anyway - there is my 2 cents feel free to give me change